• The All Streets map shows every street in the U.S. on one map. Cities, rivers, and mountains are defined by the roads in and around them.
• After some of the places we've looked at in our house search, Britain's disused "sea forts" look almost livable.
• I don't think anti-drug advertising really does much to stop drug abuse. But the Montana Meth Project's print ads are a pretty impressive attempt.
• The middle of the night: a deafening explosion, a blinding flash. It's happened dozens of times now in one Maryland county, and nobody seems to know why.
• Louis Vuitton is suing an artist over a picture of a Louis Vuitton bag in a PSA calling on companies to divest from Darfur. Yeah, a lawsuit is a good way to prove you're not a heartless corporate ogre.

Four O'Clock Flash: 10 Gnomes is a multi-part serial game currently up to its fourth chapter, but there's no ongoing storyline: you basically just click around a picture to find gnomes. Part game, part art project, and somehow totally European.

Every week in this space, we’ll take a look at the news and offer our own incisive blend of commentary, analysis, and poop jokes. The news you need, from a voice you can trust, in the 90 seconds you have to spare: that’s Woot Weads the Wire.

As expected, Egan’s body was found Tuesday afternoon in a shallow grave just outside of Brooklyn.

New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine declared a State of Emergency at the Liberty Science Center today, siting the accidental release of a gas known to cause hallucinations in reporters.

FLORENCE, S.C. (AP)—A South Carolina teen accused of plotting to blow up his high school may have to undergo a psychological exam.

A representative for the teen says he plans to play the odds by putting “C” for every answer.

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP)—A dolphin died over the weekend at a SeaWorld sister park after colliding with another dolphin during a guest interaction program.

The pilot fish was grounded pending an investigation.

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP)—A former librarian sentenced to death for fatally beating his girlfriend with a hammer has been found dead in his cell on Florida’s death row.

Somebody talked. Too loudly.

SAN DIEGO (AP)—A shark expert says an autopsy has confirmed a great white killed a triathlete in the waters off San Diego County last week.

Under a little-used Olympic rule, the shark now becomes eligible to compete in the triathlon. This will be the first time a shark has competed in the Olympics since 1936, when Gnash Gobblechomp placed fifth in the 100m dash behind Jesse Owens.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP)—A federal judge has ordered the Interior Department to decide within 16 days whether polar bears should be listed as a threatened species because of global warming.

The Interior Department is pleading for more time, claiming it will take at least a month to determine if polar bears can be turned into gasoline.

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP)—A Portland high school is raising eyebrows with its brow grooming policy: shave ‘em or go home.

Despite the complaints of parents and students that the policy makes "(their) brains hurt a lot", principal Ziggy Stardust is holding to his theory of progressive education.

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP)—Authorities decided against prosecuting Vanilla Ice for a domestic battery charge since his wife recanted her original statement.

Police said his wife just misunderstood when Ice grabbed ahold of her tightly, flowing like a harpoon, daily and nightly. The pair will be attending therapy sessions to learn how to stop, collaborate and listen.

Come in, come in. Don’t be frightened. Nobody’s going to judge you. You’re among friends here. This is a safe space for people like you and me…for people who enjoy Digital Lifestyles.

We understand what you’re going through – the shame, the anxiety, the fear that those around you will turn their backs on you. We’ve all been there ourselves. Bill over there, his wife divorced him when he revealed his passion for the Digital Lifestyles LT32323 32” Widescreen LCD HDTV. It’s fully FCC V-chip compliant, but the judge still gave his wife the kids. And when Marissa’s boss found a Digital Lifestyles catalogue in her cubicle, he fired her on the spot. Tony hasn’t spoken to his father in 14 years. I myself was ridiculed as an “LCD lover” back in college after my frat brothers found an LT32323 in my closet. That’s why we started this support group.

It’s OK to be yourself here. We all needed somewhere we could go to talk about our Digital Lifestyles. It’s remarkably liberating to open up about how fabulous the built-in HD tuner is, and how great games look with that 8 ms response time. Nobody here thinks it’s weird to perform an interpretive dance piece in praise of the 176-degree viewing angle, like Angie did at our Christmas party. And if you’re feeling inadequate because of the LT32323’s short HDMI cable – like a lot of us do – we’ll even help you find a longer one.

After so many years of hiding, I know it’s hard to open up about your Digital Lifestyles. So, just to break the ice, why don’t you tell the group one thing that you really like about the Digital Lifestyles LT32323 32” Widescreen LCD HDTV? We promise to listen with open minds and friendly ears. Go on. It’s OK.

What? Are you kidding? My God. That’s…that’s just…what kind of a sicko are you?

Warranty: 1 Year Digital Lifestyles

Features:

• 32” 16:9 Widescreen TFT LCD
• Built in ATSC (digital HD) and NTSC (analog) tuners
• 1366×768 native resolution capable of displaying 16.7 million colors
• 176° horizontal and vertical viewing angle
• 8ms response time
• Full function remote control
• Wall mountable
• Built-in speakers
• Meets FCC V-chip and DTV compliance

Inputs/Output:

• HDMI
• YpbPr
• AV1
• AV2
• S-Video
• Antenna (75ohm)
• PC (VGA)
• Audio Mini Jack
• AV Output

• With stand: 23.5 x 31.25 x 8.5-inches (H x W x D)
• Without stand: 21.5 x 31.25 x 3-inches (H x W x D)

In the box:

• Digital Lifestyles 32” Widescreen LCD HDTV
• 3ft HDMI Cable
• Remote Control
• Power Cable
• Two AA batteries

You seen that one Cribs with Ludacris? Where all his cars have TVs all over the place, not just in the usual places but, like, set into the floor and on the gas cap and right in the middle of the steering wheel? Now, see, a guy like that, he can afford to have some customizer trick out his car with a buttload of little TVs. What else is he going to spend his money on? Dude can only smoke so much weed, you know?

Me, on the other hand, I have to get clever if I want TVs on board my rides. Check out this fly setup:

1991 Ford Taurus = $800
1993 Toyota Celica = $1050
13” TV bought at Goodwill = $12
8” TV found next to dumpster = $0
Two Philips SCP5080/17 80 Watt Power Inverters = $17.99 postpaid

Yup – I got two cars, both equipped with TVs, for just $1879.99. I bet Ludacris spends more than that to get his cars washed. And if I want to hook up a laptop or something, all’s I gotta do is unplug the TV. (Still haven’t found a laptop at Goodwill yet, though. At least not one that’s any good.)

Now, my setup isn’t quite as nice. I gotta put my TV in the passenger seat, so whoever rides shotgun has to hold it on their lap. And the rabbit ears do kinda get in the way sometimes. But just you wait: I’ll figure out some way to let me watch TV while I’m pumping gas, no matter what it takes. Unless what it takes is money.

Warranty: 90 days Philips

Features:

• Auto shutdown avoids emptying your car battery.
• Overload protection protects your equipment and yourself in the event of an electrical overload.
• Short circuit protection protects equipment and yourself in the event of a short circuit.
• Compact size for easy storage and usage
• Input polarity reverse protection
• Peak Output Power: 150 Watts
• Continuous Output Power: 80 Watts
• Input Voltage Range: 11-15V
• Output Voltage (AC): 115V
• Output Frequency: 60Hz
• Output Waveform: Modified Sine Wave
• Efficiency: 90%
• Battery Low Shutdown: 9.8 – 10.8V
• Low Battery Voltage Alarm: 10.4 – 11.4V
• Overload Protection: Yes
• Output Short Protection: Yes
• Battery Polarity Protection: Yes
• Replaceable Fuse: 10A
• Outlet: One

In the box:

• 2 Philips Power Inverter

• Who gave this MP3 player its awful name? Sheriff Bull Connor and the Ku Klux Klan Ladies' Auxiliary?
• Your childhood terrors come to life in the primally disquieting work of photographer Joshua Hoffine.
• A dad buys his kid a bottle of lemonade at a ballgame. Unbeknownst to Pops, it's a bottle of the alcoholic drink Mike's Hard Lemonade. The kid drinks some of it. A security guard notices. The kid spends two nights in foster care before somebody with an ounce of common sense steps forward and puts a stop to this fiasco. Memo to overeager, lazy, stupid, or power-tripping bureaucrats: you ever put a hand on one of my kids for something this trivial, you better get a damn good lawyer and a bulletproof vest.
• You won't see these old Japanese anatomy paintings on the wall at your local sushi place.
• Rising from the empty desert, haunting monuments to man's folly: skeletons of unfinished luxury hotels. (As seen on kottke.)

Four O'Clock Flash: you're a zombie in search of secrets about your past in Sonny, a well-done RPG. (As seen on Freakified.)

Post your entry here by 11:59 AM CST on Monday, May 5, 2008. Prizes are $20/$50/$100 for 3rd/2nd/1st. The rules and criteria for winning: our panel of volunteer judges can and will make stuff up as it goes along. Use Photoshop, linoleum blocks, pastels, MSPaint, cave painting, tattoos, tribal scarification, whatever, but it’ll only be judged if it’s visible in our forums as a jpg, gif, or png. As we are fond of saying, try to keep your maximum width to 450px. If you need a place to host your pictures, try www.imageshack.ws or www.photobucket.com. We have no connection to either, but they seem free and easy to use. And if you want us to be sure your entry was indeed your work, post links to your source images. The more sure we are that you did your own work, the more likely we are to consider it for a prize.

Unbeknownst to history, Ferdinand Magellan did not die in 1521! He and his trusty translator/slave Enrique fell into a rift in space-time and were transported hundreds of years into the future and thousands of miles across the globe! Now, with Enrique at his side, Magellan searches for a way out of the bewildering subdivisions and strip malls of present-day America, hoping to return to his native Portgual. Tonight’s episode: Peril in Oakwood! In color!

Dialogue in brackets is translated from Portuguese

Magellan: [I still don’t get it. I mean, yeah, Vespucci was OK, but naming two continents after him? He must’ve had a hell of a PR rep.]

Enrique: [Many are the mysteries of this age, master.]

Magellan: [Hey, check it out, civilization. A shabby and gaudy dwelling, sure, but it’s something. If I have to walk past another tree I’ll claw my eyes out. What do you think that sign is all about?]

Enrique: [Seven, one, one? I suppose it must be the address.]

Magellan: [Well, let’s go in and ask directions. It’s a good thing you speak some English. I never would’ve bet on those sheep farmers becoming a world power.]

Convenience Store Clerk: Can I help you?

Enrique: Uh, yase. I wahs wondereen where is de way to, eh, Portugal, do you please?

Magellan: [Hey, Enrique! Check this out, man! This, this pamphlet or whatever it is called “Maxim”, you wouldn’t believe the women in this thing!] Meu Deus!

Convenience Store Clerk: Portugal, Ohio? It’s about two hours up Highway K, right across the state line. What you do is, go left out of the parking lot -

Enrique: Erm, no, no, sank you. We are tryeen to return to the sovereign keendom of Portugal, domain of Keen Emmanuel the Fairst.

Convenience Store Clerk: Oh, OK. Yeah, I figured by your outfits you weren’t from around here. Well, uh, for starters, you’re probably going to need to fly to get to Portugal.

Enrique: [Incredible!]

Magellan: [What? What’d he say?]

Enrique: [He told us to fly! He must be…a sorcerer!]

Magellan: [Of course! Only an adept of the black arts could conjure up such alluring, tempting pictures of womanflesh! Wait, now – don’t run – we mustn’t let him know we’re onto him yet, or he’ll flay us alive with his talons…]

Convenience Store Clerk: So you’d need to get to an airport, and I guess the nearest one is over in Kenstonville, so you take…hey, you know what would be easier? We’ve got these GPS units on special. They’ve got pre-loaded maps for all fifty states, nice interactive icons for looking up routes, a big 4.3” WQVGA color screen. The maps are a little old, but they’re still accurate, pretty much. Here, look at one…

Magellan: [What’s he saying? What’s he saying?]

Enrique: [It sounds like nonsense to me! Gibberish! It must be some sort of incantation!]

Magellan: [Don’t touch that thing he’s holding! It’ll capture our souls and he’ll feast on our bodies with his demon friends! Look, over there – salted strips of flesh from his victims!]

Convenience Store Clerk: Go on, take a look. It’s OK. They work great, these things. I’ve got one of these Magellan Maestro 4200s myself.

Magellan: [Did he just say my name? How did he know my name?]

Enrique: [Father in Heaven, protect us!]

Convenience Store Clerk: Hey, are you guys OK? You need a Red Bull or something?

Magellan: [OK, OK, when I give the signal, run…NOW!]

Convenience Store Clerk: Hey, where you guys going? Sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you! Forget about the GPS! My manager said I’m supposed to upsell, that’s all! Hey, hey, wait, Kenstonville is the other way!

Warranty: 1 Year Magellan

Features:

• Ultra-thin & stylish: The thinnest personal navigation device available combines style and functionality in a pocket-sized design.
• 4.3" wide WQVGA color touch screen: The large touch screen shows your position, Points of Interest, route, ETA and more on the interactive map
• Innovative easy-to-use interface: Amazingly easy-to-use, route to your destination in seconds without even needing to read the instructions.
• Pre-loaded U.S. maps: Built-in maps enable you to travel the 48 contiguous United States, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico. (From 1st quarter of 2007)
• 1.3 million Points of Interest: Pre-programmed POIs make it easy to find gas stations, restaurants, ATMs, coffee and more.
• Search by name or category near your position or near any city.
• Interactive POI icons: Touch an onscreen icon for a nearby destination to see name, address, phone number (when available), and get an instant route.
• QuickSpell™: Exclusive auto-complete feature makes it easy to enter destinations with just a few touches of the screen and even corrects spelling.
• SmartDetour™: Automatically prompts you to route around sudden slow freeway traffic.
• Bird's-eye 3D view: Clearly see your surroundings in 2D or 3D. Choose between Map View, TrueView™ 3D split screen, and Maneuver List.
• SiRFstarIII™: Integrated chipset provides the fastest GPS position acquisition in the industry.
• Rechargeable battery: Navigate for up to 4 hours when power is unavailable.
• Automatic re-route: Never miss a turn and quickly get back on track whenever you take a detour.
• Customizable route method: Select Fastest Time, Shortest Distance, Least or Most Use of Freeways, and Avoid Toll Roads.
  Address book: Create and store personal Points of Interest for easy reoccurring trips.
• Auto night view: Adjusts color and contrast for easy night viewing.
• SD-card compatibility: Back up your address book.

In the box:

• Magellan Maestro 4200 Portable GPS
• Windshield Mount and Adhesive Disc
• Cigarette Lighter Power Adapter (12-24 volts)
• Protective Pouch
• Basic Cradle
• Quick Reference Guide on CD-ROM

In the digital age, it’s all about up. Those mushrooms raise your life up. Those medipacks raise your health up. Those cans of spinach raise your power up. Shooting that alien makes your score go up. And the refurbished Toshiba DVD Recorder with HDMI Cable makes your video go up. Wait, really? Did someone really write this?

klik You don’t like it?

That’s terrible. Was there ever even a game with cans of spinach?

klik Popeye did, I think.

Okay, well, that is logical, but still. Can we try page two?

klik Page two, coming up.

Great, thanks. Maybe this one will work better.

klik Whenever you’re ready.

He blew into town like a summer storm. The Toshiba DVD Recorder with HDMI Cable. He had one thing on his refurbished mind: upscaling DVDsville once and for all. 720p, 1080i, 1080p, he didn’t care, he’d handle them all. As he walked down the no, no, no, this one is just as bad.

klik That was going pretty well, I thought.

Yeah, but it’s just… I mean, there’s no heart, you know? Let’s try page three.

klik Page three, ready.

“No tv tuner?” Patsy whispered in shock. “But… but how do you record?”
“Patsy, darling Patsy!” Toshiba DVD Recorder with HDMI Cable replied, moving to hold her close. “I have a DV port for camcorders! You’ll see, we’ll live on love!”
“No, Tosh!” Patsy exclaimed as she pushed him away. “I loved you for your recording feature, but now I see it was all a lie! Because… what good are you to me… like this!” See, Jack, they aren’t getting any better here.

klik Well, what are you expecting?

I don’t know, Jack. I mean, I might be new here, but… you know, they asked me to come read these and… can’t they get that guy who writes for shirt.woot? He always does good copy over there.

klik He’s in Hollywood this week.

Hollywood, great. I was there for a while myself, you know. I was there for quite a while.

klik Yeah, and now you’re here, so let’s talk about the included HDMI cable.

I don’t need this, Jack. You know? I really don’t need this.

klik You know where the door is.

So that’s it, huh Jack? Sixteen years of friendship all smashed up over a stupid Toshiba DVD Recorder with HDMI Cable.

klik I went out on a limb to get you this job, Barry. When Sharon called to tell me that

Sharon! She put you up to this? Well, that’s just great.

klik Barry, where are you… Barry… Barry, don’t you walk out on this… Barry, Barry, this is your career, Barry, this is your… Barry! Barry, calm down, man, she was just… she was worried! Barry! Aw, hell.

Warranty: 90 Day Woot Limited Warranty

Features:

• Video Upconversion via HDMI 720p/1080i/1080p with HDMI cable included
• DivX Home Theater Certified
• Supports WMA & MP3 Playback
• Supports Slow-Motion 1/2(fwd) 1/4(back), 1/8X, 1/16X
• Tri-Lingual on screen display (English, French, Japanese)
• Records up to 8 hours on 1 disc (TV tuner not included)

Video:

• Progressive Out
• Video DAC -10-bit/54 MHz
• Video Upconversion via HDMI™ 720p/1080i/1080p
• Digital Photo Viewer (JPEG)
• Y/C Separation

Audio:

• Audio DAC 192kHz/24bit
• WMA & MP3 Playback
• Dolby® Digital (2Ch) Audio Recording
• DivX® Home Theater Certified
• L-PCM Recording XP mode only
• 3-D Virtual Surround Sound (Internal Speakers)

Convenience:

• Tri-Lingual OSD (English, French/Japanese)
• 1.5x FF with Audio 1.3x /0.8x with Audio
• Scan FF/REW 2X(fwd) 5X(back) ,20X,40X
• Slow-Motion 1/2(fwd) 1/4(back), 1/8X, 1/16X
• Zoom
• Instant Skip
• Editing Features Playlist/Rename Title/Replace Title Thumbnail / Chapter Creation (User and Auto)
• Timer Back Up (at standby mode)-30 sec.
• Commercial Skip
• DVD-RW (VR & Video Mode)
• DVD+RW (VR Mode)
• DVD-R (Video Mode)
• Time Slip – Chasing Playback w/-RW (Except XP.SP)
• Recording Modes 1H(XP)/2H(SP)/4H(LP)/6H(EP)/8H(SLP)
• Auto Finalization w/ undo
• V-Chip Recording
• Timer Recording 12 programs/1 month
• Camcorder Controls Yes (Dubbing)
• Time Slip - Pause Live TV

Inputs/outputs:

• Component Outputs (1)
• HDMI™
• S-Video Input
• S-Video Output
• RCA Video Inputs – Rear (1)
• RCA Video Outputs – Rear (1)
• A/V Inputs (1)
• A/V Outputs (1)
• Coaxial Outputs (1)
• Front DV Input (1)

Weights and Dimensions:

• Weight: 5.29 lbs.
• Dimensions: 16-9/16×2-5/16×9-3/4 (WxHxD)
• Weight With Packaging: 7.72 lbs.
• Dimensions With Packaging: 20-1/2×5-13/16×14-1/4 (WxHxD)

In the box:

• Toshiba DKR10B DVD Recorder
• HDMI Cable
• Remote
• Composite Video/Audio Cable
• Users Guide